Polar Bear and the Seal
PB: Hey there little fellow. How you doing?
S: Pretty good, just came up for some air. . . aaah you ain’t hungry are you?
PB: Naw I got my fill yesterday.
S: Yea, we saw, pretty gruesome if you ask me.
PB: Hey, I didn’t make this world, just trying to survive.
S: Tell me about it.
PB: So what da ya think?
S: About what?
PB: The global warming thang.
S: Global what?
PB: Ya know, it’s getting warmer stuff.
S: I wish; you have any idea how cold it is swimming under this damn ice?
PB: Thought with all that blubber you have, it wouldn’t bother you.
S: Well it does. So when is it going to warm up.
PB: There’re not sure, but it definitely is.
S: Who told you this stuff?
PB: Al Gore did.
S: You spoke to a human?
PB: No, I said Al Gore told me.
S: Where did you meet it.
PB: Off the north shore where I was swimming from one ice to another and it waved to me. So I went over to see what it wanted.
S: Wow! what did it say?
PB: It said that it loved me.
S: Loved you?
PB: Cross my mamby, that’s what it said.
S: So why does it love you?
PB: Because I’m beautiful.
S: What bullshit.
PB: I’m telling ya , that’s exactly the way it happened.
S: Ok, ok, so what’s causing things to get warmer?
PB: C02
S: What’s C02?
PB: It’s a gas that animals exhale.
S: Oh my god. . . . really.
PB: Yep and it said that they were doing too much of it.
S: Is that why the humans keep trying to kill us off?
PB: No dummy, they like to eat you.
S: You would know all about that. So what else did the Gore thing tell you?
PB: That the humans were doing more than their fair share.
S: Exhaling?
PB: Yep and it said I would be a star.
S: Like one of those dots in the sky?
PB: No! Like in the human movies.
S: Why?
PB: I don’t know. He asked me to swim and make it look like I was having a hard time of it. So I swam out, but how embarrassing it would be, if I looked like I was having a hard time. Like think who might see that.
S: Wow! What else happened ?
PB: Hmmm Oh! When I got back I offered to eat one of the humans there with him. You know, to help the global warming thang.
S: Did you?
PB: Nope, it said that it would take care of it.
S: Eating the human or the global warming thang.
PB: It didn’t say, maybe both.
S: You sure you’re not hungry?
PB: Take it easy dude.
S: Ok, but that’s one hell of a story? Any thing else?
PB: Only it kept waving its arms around a lot and yelling, which was scaring those sled dogs and me too a little.
S: Maybe it was trying to scare the CO2 away.
PB: Might be, ya know I didn’t think of that.
S: What was it yelling?
PB: I’M SMART I’M SMART THE DEBATE IS OVER.
S: Thought you said it was AL GORE.
PB: I did, don’t ask it’s just what I heard, ok?
S: Sorry, you still not hungry?
PB: Look dude as I told you before I ain’t hungry, but this Al Gore might be.
S: That’s all I need, another predator.
PB: I don’t think it eats seals.
S: How would you know that?
PB: Cause your too ugly.
S: Thanks, so what does it eat.
PB: Not sure, didn’t get the chance to ask.
S: You got to be putting me on.
PB: I’m TELLING you dude, exactly the way it happened.
S: Yea, so how does it know about this thang thing.
PB: I forgot. . . ya know, I asked it about that and he yelled at me.
S: I’M SMART I’M SMART. . . .
PB: Exactly. . . while waving his arms.
S: Sorry forgot that part. So it then must know?
PB: Apparently.
S: Wow! So how’s it going to fix it.
PB: Well it tried to explain that, but I didn’t quite understand its words. Something to do with his religion, love of a river, leaves, birds, tobacco and tree frogs
S: Religion? How is that going to get rid of CO1
PB: CO2
S: Right CO2
PB: Not sure.
S: Your making this all up. . . right?
PB: HEY I ‘m just reporting what I heard. I stayed until it left.
S: And it grew wings and flew off.
PB: No, it took off its shoes and got on one of those plane thangs, which really stunk the place up.
PB: Hey there little fellow. How you doing?S: Pretty good, just came up for some air. . . aaah you ain’t hungry are you?
PB: Naw I got my fill yesterday.
S: Yea, we saw, pretty gruesome if you ask me.
PB: Hey, I didn’t make this world, just trying to survive.
S: Tell me about it.
PB: So what da ya think?
S: About what?
PB: The global warming thang.
S: Global what?PB: Ya know, it’s getting warmer stuff.
S: I wish; you have any idea how cold it is swimming under this damn ice?
PB: Thought with all that blubber you have, it wouldn’t bother you.
S: Well it does. So when is it going to warm up.
PB: There’re not sure, but it definitely is.
S: Who told you this stuff?
PB: Al Gore did.
S: You spoke to a human?
PB: No, I said Al Gore told me.
S: Where did you meet it.
PB: Off the north shore where I was swimming from one ice to another and it waved to me. So I went over to see what it wanted.
S: Wow! what did it say?
PB: It said that it loved me.
S: Loved you?
PB: Cross my mamby, that’s what it said.
S: So why does it love you?
PB: Because I’m beautiful.
S: What bullshit.
PB: I’m telling ya , that’s exactly the way it happened.
S: Ok, ok, so what’s causing things to get warmer?
PB: C02
S: What’s C02?
PB: It’s a gas that animals exhale.
S: Oh my god. . . . really.
PB: Yep and it said that they were doing too much of it.
S: Is that why the humans keep trying to kill us off?
PB: No dummy, they like to eat you.
S: You would know all about that. So what else did the Gore thing tell you?
PB: That the humans were doing more than their fair share.
S: Exhaling?
PB: Yep and it said I would be a star.
S: Like one of those dots in the sky?
PB: No! Like in the human movies.
S: Why?
PB: I don’t know. He asked me to swim and make it look like I was having a hard time of it. So I swam out, but how embarrassing it would be, if I looked like I was having a hard time. Like think who might see that.
S: Wow! What else happened ?
PB: Hmmm Oh! When I got back I offered to eat one of the humans there with him. You know, to help the global warming thang.
S: Did you?
PB: Nope, it said that it would take care of it.
S: Eating the human or the global warming thang.
PB: It didn’t say, maybe both.
S: You sure you’re not hungry?
PB: Take it easy dude.
S: Ok, but that’s one hell of a story? Any thing else?
PB: Only it kept waving its arms around a lot and yelling, which was scaring those sled dogs and me too a little.
S: Maybe it was trying to scare the CO2 away.
PB: Might be, ya know I didn’t think of that.
S: What was it yelling?
PB: I’M SMART I’M SMART THE DEBATE IS OVER.
S: Thought you said it was AL GORE.
PB: I did, don’t ask it’s just what I heard, ok?
S: Sorry, you still not hungry?
PB: Look dude as I told you before I ain’t hungry, but this Al Gore might be.
S: That’s all I need, another predator.
PB: I don’t think it eats seals.
S: How would you know that?
PB: Cause your too ugly.
S: Thanks, so what does it eat.
PB: Not sure, didn’t get the chance to ask.
S: You got to be putting me on.
PB: I’m TELLING you dude, exactly the way it happened.
S: Yea, so how does it know about this thang thing.
PB: I forgot. . . ya know, I asked it about that and he yelled at me.
S: I’M SMART I’M SMART. . . .
PB: Exactly. . . while waving his arms.
S: Sorry forgot that part. So it then must know?
PB: Apparently.
S: Wow! So how’s it going to fix it.
PB: Well it tried to explain that, but I didn’t quite understand its words. Something to do with his religion, love of a river, leaves, birds, tobacco and tree frogs
S: Religion? How is that going to get rid of CO1
PB: CO2
S: Right CO2
PB: Not sure.
S: Your making this all up. . . right?
PB: HEY I ‘m just reporting what I heard. I stayed until it left.
S: And it grew wings and flew off.
PB: No, it took off its shoes and got on one of those plane thangs, which really stunk the place up.
S: Why did he take off his shoes?
PB: Have no idea. Well here comes that damn wind again. I’m heading for the den.
S: Hey. . one sec.
PB: What.
S: You think it will come back.
PB: Don’t know, depends on how hungry it is. Catch ya later.
S: Yea. . . . . lets hope not.
PB: Have no idea. Well here comes that damn wind again. I’m heading for the den.
S: Hey. . one sec.
PB: What.
S: You think it will come back.
PB: Don’t know, depends on how hungry it is. Catch ya later.
S: Yea. . . . . lets hope not.
D.S.Harford
No comments:
Post a Comment