December 9, 2006



"Words Have Power"


Hey folks,

This is going to be one of those either you get it, or don’t. This is one of those things that either you believe it or you don’t. But regardless, it is true.

"My Momma always told me, if you ain’t got something nice to say to somebody, don’t say nothing at all." GREAT advice. But do you really understand it? The truth of the matter is this. You can get cut, burned, injured in various ways. It’ll heal. It may leave a scare. But you can go on with life.

But words on the other hand, can cut right to the soul. Destroy one’s spirit. Devastate someone for the rest of their lives. Words have more power than any weapon ever formed.

Have you ever said something to someone that you regret? Something that you would do anything to take back? But the truth is, you can NEVER take it back. You can apologize. You can say your sorry. The recipient may even forgive you. But they may never forget. It may effect them more than either of you will ever know. Until it’s too late.

We all think things sometimes that we probably should never say. Say things under our breath that we should not utter. The worst though, is when we say things out of anger, KNOWING that it will hurt the person you are directing it at. I have said things in my life that are still as crystal clear in my mind as it was when I said it.

Everyone is a person. A real live person. I know this is a simplistic and seemingly a stupidly obvious statement. But do you REALLY understand that? I remember, a while ago, walking down the streets of NYC. If you have never been there, there are nearly always hundreds of people on the street with you. I remember hearing some talking on the phone, talking to each other, about dinner plans, Birthdays, parties, births, deaths, hopes and dreams, ETC. Everyone of them, just like me, you, and everyone else, love, want to be loved, dream dreams, strive for better, fight demons, celebrate victories, laugh, cry, and just want to live.

Here’s the problem. We forget this stupidly obvious fact when these people are not us. In other words, when you look at someone, you know that they are like you, but you do not really think about it. They are NOT you. So you may think things about them like "Man, that person is FAT. Do they REALLY need another donut?" Or "I wonder who ever had sex with that person. Maybe the kid isn’t their’s." Or "What is that person doing in a place like this?" I guess this is normal. I guess this is harmless pondering. But it changes when you actually say it.

You also have to realize that you can say things that you do not mean for it to, nor realize that it did, make an effect on someone. I will never forget this one day back when I was in the Hotel Business. It was a special event for "Give Kids The World." A great organization by the way, that gives kids with Cancer and other life threatening diseases, along with there care givers, a free vacation to Disney World. I asked for volunteers to come and be there on that day. One of my employees agreed and did not show. A kid herself, I understood. But when I saw her I said, "You really let me down." I went on with life not giving it much more thought. I found out some days later that it effected her in a very profound way. I was told by another employee that she was in tears and very devastated at that one comment. Then I learned that I had to be more careful with how I said things. But my intention was not that of which to devastate her. Just pointed out a fact the way I saw it.

I was in a store the other day shopping for something for dinner. I heard a young child say the things kids say. The truth. Unadulterated and unfiltered truth. "Mommy, the lady is really fat." I looked over to see a very nicely dress lady in about her forties. She was wearing makeup that was really not that nice. I think someone should probably offer her tips on how to apply it properly, and she was over weight. The kid was telling the truth, without a thought of consequences of the words coming out of his mouth.

Now I do not know what the lady was dressed up for. Maybe she was going or coming from an event. Maybe she had a date coming over for dinner. I do not know. I also do not know if she has been trying to loose weight her whole life, or a medical condition, or what. I do know that she was going to an effort to look good for someone. Even if it was just herself. Perhaps she really thought she looked good. I also noticed that the lady heard it. I saw the look on her face as she tried to smile at the Mother of the child. I, being the ever so diligent people watcher and observer of human nature, continued to watch this lady. I noticed that as soon as the Mother and child turned the isle, the lady looked down at herself and was noticeably upset. She was just trying to look nice, and with absolutely no malice intended, a child devastated her.

Now I KNOW how this is going to sound. But it is just the truth. I do not know what it’s like to be corpulent. I have been sightly over weight. Since my Son was born, I’m starting to get that little belly back. Time for a home gym, just can’t make it out that much. But I have never been obese. I do not know what it’s like to be looked down upon because I’m below average looking. I was never picked on in school. I had girlfriends, friends, and never felt out of place. Why should I judge someone standing in my view that I cannot relate to? I do know that they are a person with feelings. Who am I to effect those feelings?

Now this works both ways. Remember what I said a while back?

I make it a point, one hundred percent true, to always ask whomever it is that is in front of me, be it at a mini-mart, shopping center, office, even the toll collectors on the Turnpike, "How’s your day going?" Then I actually stop everything I’m doing and wait for the answer. Try this sometime. It can actually be funny. They do not expect this. This throws them completely off. Sometimes they stop what they are doing and stare at you like a deer in headlights. {An old NY reference. I haven’t seen a deer since coming to Florida 6 years ago.}

When they answer you, make eye contact and smile. If they are honest and tell you how bad their day is, give them words of encouragement. Trust me, this changes the whole situation and may even make that person’s entire day. That is showing them respect. In turn, they will go out of their way to respect YOU. They will even remember you the next time.

You may have no idea how much effect you have on someone. You will NEVER know the full effect you have on everyone you come in contact with. But you do have a choice. You can use the power of words for good, or bad. Whichever you chose, just remember, it’s NOT just words.
Peter