Our Friend Dr. Laura Taking Heat, Her Side

Hey folks,



Our friend Dr. Laura is taking some heat for some comments that she made on the Today Show yesterday.

According to NBC 24 -Why do men cheat?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger blames women for men cheating on "The Today Show"

TOLEDO, OH -- The prostitution scandal surrounding New York governor Eliot Spitzer has tongues wagging. And Tuesday morning on "The Today Show" psychologist Dr. Laura Schlessinger was asked if she blames women for men cheating. She said,“yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

According to the New York Times- Mars and Venus Dissect the Spitzer Scandal on the TV Talk Shows

It wasn’t until Tuesday morning, on shows like “Today” and “The View,” that female commentators could really unload, and they did, mostly on panels with titles like “Why Men Cheat” and filled by psychologists, self-help coaches and anthropologists. The biggest issue was not whether the governor would resign or face criminal charges. It was whether Ms. Wall Spitzer was right to stand by him, and even more urgently, whether all husbands stray, and why. It got testy at times.

“Are you saying the women should feel guilty, like they somehow drove the man to cheat?” a visibly aghast Meredith Vieira of “Today” asked Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a radio host.

Dr. Schlessinger replied, “Yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

Then this from The Buffalo News - Was Spitzer just stupid — or worse?

One of the most controversial came from Dr. Laura Schlessinger, known for her books and radio shows that dispense conservative advice for women and families, who suggested in a “Today” show segment on NBC that men cheat because their wives don’t spend enough time taking care of their physical and emotional needs.

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” said Schlessinger, in comments excerpted on the MSNBC Web site.

Well, I got this Email today.

Dear Peter,

As you may know, I was on The Today Show yesterday to promote my new book, "Stop Whining, Start Living". Since there was a breaking news story about New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, they also asked me to participate in a panel discussion on "Why Men Cheat."

And that's when the fun stuff hit the fan.

As a member of the DrLaura.com Family, and loyal listener to my program, I thought you'd like to hear the story directly from me.

Here is HER side.

Go To The Videotape!

About two months ago, my publisher, Harper Collins, called me up to tell me that The Today Show wanted to interview me in the 8AM hour on Tuesday, March 11, the day that my new book, Stop Whining, Start Living was going to be published. I said, “Great!”

Last week, I did the “pre-interview” with one of their producers, and they called me back to say they wanted to have my interview go for two segments. I said “Even better!”

Then, at 4PM on Monday, March 10, they called up and asked if I would also participate in a “panel” segment entitled “Why Men Cheat.” I went “uh oh.”

I hate doing panels. I hate all the talking heads shouting over each other. And I feared they would end up asking about tabloid gossip and not the real topic, but they reaffirmed that they really wanted to hear my opinion about “Why Men Cheat.”

So, silly me, on I went. Meredith Vieira asked the three panelists, “Why do men cheat?” Panelist #1 said that the legacy of promiscuous cavemen has created an evolutionary tendency toward infidelity among today’s men. Hmmm.

Panelist #2 said something to the effect that men often cheat because they are missing something physically, mentally or emotionally in their relationship with someone. Who might be responsible for this missing “something” was not specifically mentioned. Hmm….could it be the wife? The boss? Co-workers?

So Panelist #3 (that’s me) responded:

“Men need validation. When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need.”

Maybe I should have had a sign around my neck that said I was not talking specifically about the governor of New York’s current alleged problems with money transfers and a $5,000 an hour call-girl ring. Certainly a man who won the governorship of the second largest state in the nation does not sound like a man who needs validation to feel like a success. I was answering the question asked: “Why do men cheat?”

Suddenly, the topic WAS about the New York governor. To my utter amazement, Panelist #1 proclaimed that the New York governor’s high cheekbones and protuberant eyebrows indicated high levels of testosterone which would be a strong indicator of infidelity.

Panelist #2 said that, speaking of testosterone, highly testosteroned people tend not to worry as much about the consequences of the risks they take. (I guess that explains the use of steroids in baseball).

Ms. Vieira then asked why a man of such power as the New York governor would risk everything to carry on a tawdry relationship. Note: This was the first time that Ms. Vieira referred to the governor in any way in the entire segment. Panelist #3 (that’s me!) responded:

“When a person is in a high position of power, especially a man, there is a sense of entitlement and a sense of being…above the law because of the importance of what they do - because of the importance of who they are.”

Since that fleeting moment, I have been accused of the most heinous of crimes (apparently far worse than the foibles of politicians and celebrities): giving my opinion and advice. According to The New York Times, Meredith Vieira was “aghast” at my comments. In the 10 am hour, Ann Curry tried to take me to task for “things that were said about the governor.” Wrong! And finally the renowned News Team at The Huffington Post proclaimed “Dr. Laura Blames Spitzer’s Wife”.

In three segments over 2 hours I never made a comment about the Governor’s wife. And my only direct comment about the Governor was that powerful men sometimes feel an unwarranted sense of entitlement. I answered the question they asked, not the question I’ve been accused of answering.

Now here’s the good news. Thank goodness I had bought a new outfit for the program, and I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning, or else I might have gotten a little ticked off that my words were so ludicrously taken out of context.

If you don’t believe me, feel free to go to the videotape (click here). And don’t whine for me. I’m having a great time in New York - good friends, good restaurants, and almost-Spring weather.

On a more serious note: The stories that we see on the news and the Internet 24/7 indicate an epidemic of dysfunctionality in America in the relationships of the powerful, talented, and merely famous. The sad part is it is only the tip of the iceberg in our society. And sadder still is knowing that so many children are being hurt by these problems.

You know what folks, I agree with her. Having been Married, Divorced, and Married again, never CHEATING, I do understand WHY some do. I will not go into it, but the last year of my 7 year marriage was not a pleasant one. Wasn't really bad either. We just co-existed. I didn't care if I came home. I did not feel like it was home. I just worked 24-7 because I had no reason not to.

The people jumping all over Dr. Laura seem to be coming from the Lib point of view. Men are dogs, women are victims, ETC. To bad that's not true. It really is that simple. If the man is happy at home, he will go nowhere else. Same thing for women. Why is THAT controversial?
Peter

Sources:
NBC 24 -Why do men cheat?
NYT- Woman at the Center of Governor’s Downfall
The Buffalo News - Was Spitzer just stupid — or worse?
Dr. Laura- Go To The Videotape!